AE1
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
 
Many people have their own profession , and they have several factors when they are deciding a profession , such as salary , social status , a good schedule , personal satisfaction and so on . There are three factors when I choose a career. I think the three factors are the most important factors for me.
Salary is one of the most important factors with my career. I want to earn more money. If I have a high salary, I can save money, and buy everything that I want to buy-a house, a new car. Beautiful clothes. If I have more money, I don’t need to make a budget every month. I can go on a vacation or a holiday.
I want my job to have an amount of free time. If I have free time, I’ll have more to deal with my family or take care of my children. I can travel with my family. We would have much happiness.
Lastly, the location of the job is very important for me. If my workplace is near my home, I don’t need to get up early in the morning. Actually I would have enough time to prepare breakfast every morning. And I would have more time to do my work.
In conclusion, I want to buy a house, a new car, and travel with my family, have more time to take care of my children. Therefore, I need to choose a job with a high salary, have an amount of leisure time, and in addition the place where the job is important for me. These factors are the most important factors for me.
mei
 
Comments:
Good organization here. I like the way you use topic sentences to give your paragraphs unity. Work on your introduction. Try to gain your readers interest in your topic in your introduction.
 
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    AE1
    Wednesday, February 28, 2007
     
    Many people have their own profession , and they have several factors when they are deciding a profession , such as salary , social status , a good schedule , personal satisfaction and so on . There are three factors when I choose a career. I think the three factors are the most important factors for me.
    Salary is one of the most important factors with my career. I want to earn more money. If I have a high salary, I can save money, and buy everything that I want to buy-a house, a new car. Beautiful clothes. If I have more money, I don’t need to make a budget every month. I can go on a vacation or a holiday.
    I want my job to have an amount of free time. If I have free time, I’ll have more to deal with my family or take care of my children. I can travel with my family. We would have much happiness.
    Lastly, the location of the job is very important for me. If my workplace is near my home, I don’t need to get up early in the morning. Actually I would have enough time to prepare breakfast every morning. And I would have more time to do my work.
    In conclusion, I want to buy a house, a new car, and travel with my family, have more time to take care of my children. Therefore, I need to choose a job with a high salary, have an amount of leisure time, and in addition the place where the job is important for me. These factors are the most important factors for me.
    mei
     
    Comments:
    Good organization here. I like the way you use topic sentences to give your paragraphs unity. Work on your introduction. Try to gain your readers interest in your topic in your introduction.
     
    Post a Comment



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